2026-03-03 (Iain) Returning Home
3rd March 2026: Returning Home
The upper room discourses of Jesus to the disciples are profoundly deep, precious & mystical in feel and therefore Approach in a slightly different way: Theological & going to use the mystics for understanding. Mystical/experiencial way in
The context of our Gospel is Jesus preparing his disciples for life when he is gone, who had completely invested their whole lives in following Jesus, and were dealing with the fear of abandonment and the grief of the impending death of the one they love. The solid ground they had based their hopes & lives on was disappearing. Previously he has told them to: Love one another just as I have loved you, and physically demonstrated this love by washing their feet, and in todays Gospel reading he
Comforts them with the words: ‘Do not let your hearts be troubled,’ and ‘In my Father/Mother’s house there are many dwelling places, and that he will prepare a place for them & be with them.
This passage is, a favourite at funerals, is used as a comfort for families and loved ones that there are many rooms in heaven and that one particular room will be set aside for their loved one. Conversely it is used as a boundary line of who is in and who is out: "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’ In other words Heaven is for Christians only – & often only for a certain shade of Christian.
As always, Jesus words go much deeper &, for me, take in the whole arc, or I should say circle, of salvation from birth to life to death. (let us remember that the word salvation has within it, a sense of healing, becoming whole, free and united with God.) Jesus says: There are many dwelling places. Theresa of Avalon, the 16th Century mystic & nun, describes in detail 7 dwelling places and many of the Christian mystics say there are as many dwelling places as people & talk of a returning home to God, because God created us uniquely at birth – we are fearfully and wonderfully made, as Psalm 139 says, knit together in our mother’s womb, & that God honours our unique personality, our unique experience, and our unique life journey by providing a unique dwelling place when we die. i.e. God honours our uniqueness and diversity.
Just meditate on that for a moment: God doesn’t just have a blanket love for all people or for those who follow a particular path: God loves each soul personally, intimately, uniquely, providing a dwelling place at the beginning and end of our lives. But, if I follow the teachings of the mystics, if we are awake enough, God also provides unique dwelling places during our lives. And it is in these dwelling places that God’s saving/healing work is done.
I know I have told this story a number of times so forgive me if you have heard it before but it does illustrate that God does indeed have many more dwelling places than I ever imagined. During part of my training I went on a placement to in Chennai, India, an Evangelical Mission, serving the Anglo Indian community. It was run by a New Zealand woman, who controlled everything, instilling an atmosphere of fear amongst the community we were supposed to be help, often shouting & abusing people. Soon after arriving, I challenged her on this, and it was like a volcano erupted – She completely lost it and I had to leave the mission.
I decided rather than to go straight back to college I decided to stay in India and experience it in the best way I could. I was shocked by this woman’s behaviour and my faith was rocked & I felt profoundly vulnerable & alone. Soon after leaving the mission stayed in a L’Arche community just outside Chennai and then spent time with a Hindu dance group. The gentleness & kindness of these two communities provided me with a unique dwelling place where I was loved back to life. I then headed North and spent time in New Delhi in a secular drug rehab place, another dwelling place where again I was loved back to life, albeit in a more robust way, which I was now ready for: through humour, many games of football in 100 degrees of heat, and a loud, boisterous camaraderie that refused me to feel sorry for myself. Finally, I then spent time in rural Andra Pradesh, with many ‘untouchables – a tough environment but yet again I was loved back to life by those nobody seemed to love. Now nobody can tell me that Jesus did not dwell in the L’Arche community, the Hindu dance group, the secular drug rehab group, with the untouchables. The dwelling places that Jesus provides for us on our journey are often unique to our personality & situation & are places– not always perfect - of love & healing, where there is acceptance, forgiveness, a lack of judgement & a generosity of spirit & warm hospitality. And our lives are a homecoming to that love – which is fully realized in our death – . This way of love involves loving ourselves, loving others and loving the source of love God.
I want to pick up on 2 phrases in our other readings referencing shame: In our Psalm, the Psalmist is seeking refuge, a dwelling place if you like in God and pleads: do not let me ever be put to shame & in the reading from Peter it says: whoever believes in Jesus will not be put to shame." It is my belief that God’s salvation and healing, has everything to do with healing our shame.
When I left the Evangelical Mission I felt a sense of shame: that I had let people down who had enabled the placement to happen but it was more my image of myself as a Christian was broken – the mirror was cracked, & in the various dwelling places I had in my journey through India my shame lessened.
Jesus, for me dwells, where love which heals & brings people to life is present. Jesus’ love is most fully and perfectly expressed on the cross, an event and love that has brought forth life, healing, wholeness & salvation. On the cross Jesus was put to shame, & by so doing gives us a place to lay down our shame. It also means that Jesus fully understands our shame and walks alongside us in our shame.
The disciple Peter, is a textbook example of how Jesus gently and beautifully loves a man overwhelmed by shame, whose sense of self is lying in tatters, back to life, with no recrimination, no judgment, no avoidance.
I want to briefly look at the difference between guilt and shame because although there is an overlap shame is far deeper and more destructive than guilt. Psychologists/ Brene Brown
Guilt
Shame
Feeling remorse or responsible for something you have done wrong or something you have perceived to have done wrong
Feeling you are bad, worthy of contempt, or inadequate in some way as a person.
About what you did
About who you are
Condemns the behaviour
Condemns the self
Can motivate us to change, & modify our behaviour
Makes us feel we are fundamentally flawed, bad, unworthy
Relational connection – can help develop concern for others
Relational disconnection: Concerned with other people’s opinion of you
Can motivate apologizing & making amends
Motivates self blame/hatred/ lashing out/blaming others
Can lead to greater authenticity
Leads to low self esteem/lack of authenticity
Guilt is the result of what we do
Shame can be the result of what is done to us - & is often undeserved. Victims of sexual assault. Shame misplaced.
In other words Guilt can be adaptive & helpful – not always: there is an unhealthy, destructive guilt – but guilt often involves holding ourselves accountable to something we have failed to do against our values and feeling psychological discomfort, whereas shame is destructive, and the source of many forms of broken behavior; Research has correlated it to violence, addiction, bullying, eating disorders, depression, suicide, - more surprising some research has shown that guilt is inversely correlated to these things.
If we want meaningful, lasting, transformative change we need to be clear about the differences between shame and guilt, & end shame, in whatever context as a tool for change, whether parenting, in the workplace or in church. This means a moving away from labeling.
Shame thrives on secrecy, silence & judgment. If we are going to find our way back to authenticity and each other – vulnerability & courage is that path –
Firstly by sharing our shame with God in prayer that involves an element of stillness & space & honesty so that we can receive Jesus’ healing love. Secondly being vulnerable enough to share our shame with a trusted counselor or friend:: I am not suggesting you share with anybody but somebody you trust. Vulnerability is not oversharing. It requires both wisdom & courage.
So to finish: We are born dwelling in God and our lives are a journey home to specially prepared dwelling place when we die. But along the way God provides dwelling places, some unexpected, for us, places where we can receive healing in our lives.
My prayer is that St. James may be a dwelling place where Jesus/where love and healing can be found and that you might all find the right dwelling places for your unique life situation and personality . Amen
The upper room discourses of Jesus to the disciples are profoundly deep, precious & mystical in feel and therefore Approach in a slightly different way: Theological & going to use the mystics for understanding. Mystical/experiencial way in
The context of our Gospel is Jesus preparing his disciples for life when he is gone, who had completely invested their whole lives in following Jesus, and were dealing with the fear of abandonment and the grief of the impending death of the one they love. The solid ground they had based their hopes & lives on was disappearing. Previously he has told them to: Love one another just as I have loved you, and physically demonstrated this love by washing their feet, and in todays Gospel reading he
Comforts them with the words: ‘Do not let your hearts be troubled,’ and ‘In my Father/Mother’s house there are many dwelling places, and that he will prepare a place for them & be with them.
This passage is, a favourite at funerals, is used as a comfort for families and loved ones that there are many rooms in heaven and that one particular room will be set aside for their loved one. Conversely it is used as a boundary line of who is in and who is out: "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’ In other words Heaven is for Christians only – & often only for a certain shade of Christian.
As always, Jesus words go much deeper &, for me, take in the whole arc, or I should say circle, of salvation from birth to life to death. (let us remember that the word salvation has within it, a sense of healing, becoming whole, free and united with God.) Jesus says: There are many dwelling places. Theresa of Avalon, the 16th Century mystic & nun, describes in detail 7 dwelling places and many of the Christian mystics say there are as many dwelling places as people & talk of a returning home to God, because God created us uniquely at birth – we are fearfully and wonderfully made, as Psalm 139 says, knit together in our mother’s womb, & that God honours our unique personality, our unique experience, and our unique life journey by providing a unique dwelling place when we die. i.e. God honours our uniqueness and diversity.
Just meditate on that for a moment: God doesn’t just have a blanket love for all people or for those who follow a particular path: God loves each soul personally, intimately, uniquely, providing a dwelling place at the beginning and end of our lives. But, if I follow the teachings of the mystics, if we are awake enough, God also provides unique dwelling places during our lives. And it is in these dwelling places that God’s saving/healing work is done.
I know I have told this story a number of times so forgive me if you have heard it before but it does illustrate that God does indeed have many more dwelling places than I ever imagined. During part of my training I went on a placement to in Chennai, India, an Evangelical Mission, serving the Anglo Indian community. It was run by a New Zealand woman, who controlled everything, instilling an atmosphere of fear amongst the community we were supposed to be help, often shouting & abusing people. Soon after arriving, I challenged her on this, and it was like a volcano erupted – She completely lost it and I had to leave the mission.
I decided rather than to go straight back to college I decided to stay in India and experience it in the best way I could. I was shocked by this woman’s behaviour and my faith was rocked & I felt profoundly vulnerable & alone. Soon after leaving the mission stayed in a L’Arche community just outside Chennai and then spent time with a Hindu dance group. The gentleness & kindness of these two communities provided me with a unique dwelling place where I was loved back to life. I then headed North and spent time in New Delhi in a secular drug rehab place, another dwelling place where again I was loved back to life, albeit in a more robust way, which I was now ready for: through humour, many games of football in 100 degrees of heat, and a loud, boisterous camaraderie that refused me to feel sorry for myself. Finally, I then spent time in rural Andra Pradesh, with many ‘untouchables – a tough environment but yet again I was loved back to life by those nobody seemed to love. Now nobody can tell me that Jesus did not dwell in the L’Arche community, the Hindu dance group, the secular drug rehab group, with the untouchables. The dwelling places that Jesus provides for us on our journey are often unique to our personality & situation & are places– not always perfect - of love & healing, where there is acceptance, forgiveness, a lack of judgement & a generosity of spirit & warm hospitality. And our lives are a homecoming to that love – which is fully realized in our death – . This way of love involves loving ourselves, loving others and loving the source of love God.
I want to pick up on 2 phrases in our other readings referencing shame: In our Psalm, the Psalmist is seeking refuge, a dwelling place if you like in God and pleads: do not let me ever be put to shame & in the reading from Peter it says: whoever believes in Jesus will not be put to shame." It is my belief that God’s salvation and healing, has everything to do with healing our shame.
When I left the Evangelical Mission I felt a sense of shame: that I had let people down who had enabled the placement to happen but it was more my image of myself as a Christian was broken – the mirror was cracked, & in the various dwelling places I had in my journey through India my shame lessened.
Jesus, for me dwells, where love which heals & brings people to life is present. Jesus’ love is most fully and perfectly expressed on the cross, an event and love that has brought forth life, healing, wholeness & salvation. On the cross Jesus was put to shame, & by so doing gives us a place to lay down our shame. It also means that Jesus fully understands our shame and walks alongside us in our shame.
The disciple Peter, is a textbook example of how Jesus gently and beautifully loves a man overwhelmed by shame, whose sense of self is lying in tatters, back to life, with no recrimination, no judgment, no avoidance.
I want to briefly look at the difference between guilt and shame because although there is an overlap shame is far deeper and more destructive than guilt. Psychologists/ Brene Brown
Guilt
Shame
Feeling remorse or responsible for something you have done wrong or something you have perceived to have done wrong
Feeling you are bad, worthy of contempt, or inadequate in some way as a person.
About what you did
About who you are
Condemns the behaviour
Condemns the self
Can motivate us to change, & modify our behaviour
Makes us feel we are fundamentally flawed, bad, unworthy
Relational connection – can help develop concern for others
Relational disconnection: Concerned with other people’s opinion of you
Can motivate apologizing & making amends
Motivates self blame/hatred/ lashing out/blaming others
Can lead to greater authenticity
Leads to low self esteem/lack of authenticity
Guilt is the result of what we do
Shame can be the result of what is done to us - & is often undeserved. Victims of sexual assault. Shame misplaced.
In other words Guilt can be adaptive & helpful – not always: there is an unhealthy, destructive guilt – but guilt often involves holding ourselves accountable to something we have failed to do against our values and feeling psychological discomfort, whereas shame is destructive, and the source of many forms of broken behavior; Research has correlated it to violence, addiction, bullying, eating disorders, depression, suicide, - more surprising some research has shown that guilt is inversely correlated to these things.
If we want meaningful, lasting, transformative change we need to be clear about the differences between shame and guilt, & end shame, in whatever context as a tool for change, whether parenting, in the workplace or in church. This means a moving away from labeling.
Shame thrives on secrecy, silence & judgment. If we are going to find our way back to authenticity and each other – vulnerability & courage is that path –
Firstly by sharing our shame with God in prayer that involves an element of stillness & space & honesty so that we can receive Jesus’ healing love. Secondly being vulnerable enough to share our shame with a trusted counselor or friend:: I am not suggesting you share with anybody but somebody you trust. Vulnerability is not oversharing. It requires both wisdom & courage.
So to finish: We are born dwelling in God and our lives are a journey home to specially prepared dwelling place when we die. But along the way God provides dwelling places, some unexpected, for us, places where we can receive healing in our lives.
My prayer is that St. James may be a dwelling place where Jesus/where love and healing can be found and that you might all find the right dwelling places for your unique life situation and personality . Amen
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